As a society, I feel that we don’t really talk about things. Not the things that actually matter anyway. When I say that, I mean that we are dishonest about how we feel, what we are feeling, and what we go through as individuals. There isn’t usually transparency when it comes to the personal things in our lives. And I’m sure there are reasonable and justifiable reasons for this decision. I know I have reasons for my reservations when it comes to what I disclose and to whom. My biggest motivation is people are not good at listening. Just as any other acquired learned behavior, listening has to be practiced to become efficient at it.
In general, I don’t think most people know how to be active listeners. We listen with the intent to judge, fix, or give our opinions on matters. So, how do we fix this mindset? What are some ways to become active listeners? I think we can ask the person what it is they need or are looking for from us as the listener. We can also listen, and if you know the person well enough, you’ll be able to pick up on what they need from you. I know with me that if people start injecting their life situation into the conversation or just cut me off to try and take over the conversation, I completely shut down. I won’t speak anymore about what I was trying to say and probably won’t ever trust myself with them again.
It’s frustrating when there’s no one to listen or the person “supposedly” listening interrupts or speaks harshly about your situation. You don’t know the state of mind that individual is in or what they’re going through. Your words or active listening can be the “thing” between life and death sometimes. So, it’s essential to take the time to gauge what the talker needs. I know I have discussed this in a previous blog, but I thought it nice to readdress it when so many people are suffering in this world. People have lost their jobs, been laid off, and at home with family 24hrs a day. If we didn’t have good coping skills, to begin with, and are trying to handle being in a pandemic with so many uncertainties to their futures can add additional stressors.
If someone reaches out and tries to talk to you, either ask or listen to see what they need from you. When you’re actively listening, you can even figure out when a person’s not telling you what they really want to say. That is if you know them well enough. The point is to try to be the best active listener possible and let people know what you need from them when you call to talk about your feelings, life, etc. Everybody needs somebody! Especially during these times of high stress and transformation in our lives. Be good.
Until Next Time,
ShesThatRN, LLC
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