I’m Pregnant Y’all

Well, I’ve been pregnant for quite some time now. My journey has had me in labor for a really long time. My brother just passed away, and God has my full attention. I understood that the pain from his death was pushing me or instead forcing me into the labor process. It’s time to start pushing, even though I’m only 4.5 centimeters. I’ve been stuck at 1 centimeter forever, and I was comfortable and complacent. But DEATH did something to change that.

My brother was not just my brother; he was a son, a dad, a grandfather, a friend, a cousin, a nephew, and more. I can sit here and write about the immense pain I felt when learning about his death on the morning of his 54th birthday, but I won’t. I will say underneath all the horrific pain I was and still am feeling is the reality of death. All the things that I felt so comfortable with are changing. All the things God has been telling me to do and placed in my heart, I am doing. I am actively living in the moment and moving in my gifts. I am not exactly a go-getter. I do what I have to do, but I’m not the one to run out and just start doing. It takes time; I analyze all the details, live in my fears, and console my doubts. Not anymore.

There is a sense of urgency because I don’t know if tomorrow is reality anymore. I have to live for today and make moves now instead of waiting for the perfect opportunity. So, the books are being written, the new businesses are being activated, and preparations are being made to solidify my legacy for generations to come. Popa, my brother, has given me a new outlook on life because of his death. I am birthing all the things I’ve been holding onto for whatever reasons. I’m looking for a property that will accommodate all my businesses in one setting. Not saying too much because when God gives you the vision, it’s for you to see it through. When you talk to people about God’s idea, they sometimes try to encourage you out of it (that is a polite way of putting it).

A few days after losing my brother, God dealt with me about my life and his death. I heard an old song on my echo dot by James Cleveland’s “Where Is Your Faith.” God wanted to know where my faith was and why it wasn’t activated. Of course, I told him I still had faith, but I had to ask myself was that true. Did I really have faith in God, and had that faith been shaken with the loss of my brother? My answer was that I had disbelief which is the opposite of having faith. I had to go back and start re-examining many things in my life. It’s something else when an unexpected death shakes your core.

I surrender. That’s what I told God. See, sometimes we have to go back to where we first received him. Back to the beginning so we can remember that feeling of excitement and all the reasons we made the decision we did. Those are my thoughts and opinions. What can I say to you that would help you through your pregnancy. Go back to the beginning and remember the feeling and your why. Get excited again for all the endless possibilities that await you once you start pushing. Push through the pains of labor, push through the pains of doubt, push through your fears. You can do this! I can do this! Together, we can do this! We hear a lot of people and songs saying this is my season. Well, I’m telling you that this is your season and mine. I’ve gotten started already, so what are you waiting for? Let’s get to it…

Published by ShesThatRN

I am an RN working on my DNP, preparing to launch several aspects of my new business and writing and getting ready to publish my first book. I love to write so blogging seemed like a great way to naturally express myself and publish my journey as a nurse.

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