I’m sitting here in my living room in the dark except for my Christmas tree lights listening to Soulful Christmas Songs on YouTube. There’s something about being quiet that allows you to put things into perspective. This Christmas I don’t have the financial means to do all the things I’ve done for my love ones like I used to but they will always have me. I’m their gift this year and every year. I have so many things on my mind that if I allowed it, I could be drawn in a downward spiral of doom and gloom. Instead, this evening I’m just sitting here saying thank you Lord for being here. It’s not about the gifts, the money, or any of the things the holiday is associated with. It’s about the birth of Jesus who came to save us from our sins and allow us to choose life over death. I’ve chosen to live in peace and harmony today. I realized after a week of people pushing my buttons and my reacting in a way that caused me more stress, that my reaction is what caused my stress. I have to remember to stop, breath, and let things go. So, the other night when I got into it with my neighbor and couldn’t sleep the whole night, my mind hurted because I couldn’t let it go. With all the praying I did that night my neighbor has been being more considerate and things have fallen into place. But more importantly, I decided that no matter what she did I was not going to react negatively about it. I was not going to allow someone to change my character or cause me to revert back to the old version of myself. I’ve been at peace since then.
I went to the Christmas party with my nurse family last night and had an amazing time. It was wonderful seeing them and exchanging gifts and we played “Chinese Auction” with two boxes of wine. Well I picked a beautiful Rose wine and it was stolen, lol. I ended up with a dark red wine that I can’t drink because it worsens my migraines. However, I will gift it to someone so they can enjoy it but the game and thought was nice anyway. Jordan (the nurse manager) is so much a part of her unit that its pretty refreshing to see and experience. Every family has its problems and they are no different, but just like family they work through it. It’s just a wonderful atmosphere to be a part of. When I got home I was so sleepy I took a shower and layed down. I tried to update my phone because it said ITunes needed to download and update. Well, fell asleep only to awaken to having my phone crash during the download. It was about midnight and I asked my son to try and help me. The phone was stuck and wouldn’t do anything including cut off or on. He said “Ma, you’re gonna have to go to the Apple store tomorrow.” I drifted back off to sleep and woke up around 2 a.m. and went on Apple support to figure out what I could do. It told me that my phone was going to have to be restored to default settings. I was like OMG I’m gonna lose everything. I went on and restored it and then it said I had backed it up yesterday and I could restore to those settings. Hallelujah, I wasn’t going to lose everything after all. I backed it up and it restored all my things. I did have to delete and reinstall a few apps that wouldn’t work, but who cares, I was happy to do that. I woke up tired but happy my phone was working. Today is my nephew Shyne’s birthday and he turns 8. When I tell you my nieces, nephews, great niece and great nephews mean the world to me. They are a huge deal to me. I helped raise them and they bring my heart so much joy. He’s my big boy and so handsome. He got a haircut and is looking sharp as a tack today for his birthday. He’s having a hotel party with 3 of his closest cousins and my youngest son. They love my son Greg, he’s a big deal to them and they are to him. Now, I’m home alone in a house me and Greg cleaned before I dropped him off to the hotel and quietly listening to Christmas music.
I said all that to say that the end of my week has turned out so much better than the beginning. I’m at peace and feeling good inside. I miss the hell out of my mom, but she’s smiling down on me from Heaven so that makes me feel especially warm inside. I miss my nephew Tre who was taken too soon. He and my oldest son Marcus were born on the same day. There birthday is coming up and that is always so rough right after going without him during the holidays. My son hasn’t gotten over it and is still very much grieving his death. They always shared their birthdays together since they were born. This is the second year without him. He is also in Heaven smiling down on us and making sure we’re good. I hope that no matter what this week has thrown at you, you take some time to sit quietly and reflect on it. Think about what you did, didn’t do, could have done differently to result in more peace in your life. I’m going to wash some clothes and drink a glass of wine and just chill. It’s just me, myself and I tonight and I love it. How about you? What are you doing tonight? Are you all ready for Christmas? Is your tree already up and presents wrapped? I’m going to take a picture of me lying under the tree because that’s everyone’s gift this Christmas LOL! Have an amazing night everyone and a great beginning to your new week. Peace and Blessings to all:)
Until Next Time,