Looking Back

I know that we often say you don’t look back, keep looking forward. But, sometimes, it’s essential to look back so you can evaluate things and get a grasp on what needs more work. I’ve been doing just that in many aspects of my 2019. Some takeaways for myself are: Creating more creative space for myself, stop waiting for the perfect moment that doesn’t exist, jump out of the plane and stop standing there wondering, do the things that my fear keep telling me not to do, become better at communicating within the areas of relationship, and speak my truth.

I fill myself with so much that nothing gets done, and so I want to be more specific about the space I create to grow and flourish in my gifts. I’m always waiting for the perfect situation or circumstance to do or take action. I know that perfection doesn’t exist except in my mind, so I have to do a better job of just getting things done. I stand at the edge of the plane with a parachute and an all clear, stuck in place. I’m stuck because I’m afraid to jump because fear gives me a million reasons why I shouldn’t. Fear shows me endless things that could go wrong, and I stand there stuck, in place, without moving. Even with the ideas previously mentioned, they all lead back to one thing, “FEAR.” I was raised with fear, raised in fear, and can’t really remember being told that “I could do things” instead, I was told what I couldn’t do and why I wouldn’t be able to do them. I say to myself, “well, Sharon, you’re an adult, and you know better, so do better,” but deep inside, there are things from my childhood and growing up that remains a thorn in my side. These are the things that keep me from being the best version of myself. And communication is no different because that is linked to fear as well. Scared to open up and tell my story, to share my thoughts and opinions, to say what and how I feel about things…that all comes from fear. Whether it’s fear of being shut down, shut up, made to feel less than, or fear of being judged, they all hinder my growth.

I don’t have answers about what to do except for me to do! Stop thinking so much, and do! I guess when I’m aware of what’s going on, I can give myself a good swift kick in the butt and remind myself of how great, excellent, loving, and kind I am. And just how much I have to offer to the world and how important what I have to say really is to somebody even if it’s only 1 person. So, here I am, being transparent, sharing some pieces of me without really overthinking about it. That’s how I want to be moving forward. I spend too much time worrying about what people will think of me, how they’ll look at me, or, more precisely, how they’ll judge me. I am unequivocally ME, and there is no one God created to be, look like act like or love like me. I’m still learning to accept that and enjoy this ride called life. Here’s to continuing a lifelong journey of love.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRNspiration

Published by ShesThatRN

I am an RN working on my DNP, preparing to launch several aspects of my new business and writing and getting ready to publish my first book. I love to write so blogging seemed like a great way to naturally express myself and publish my journey as a nurse.

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