With A Heavy Heart

I am writing this evening with a heavy heart. I should be sleep by now because my intention was to work on my business then hit the sheets. Well, I did work on my business and so that you know you can find my “ShesThatRN” podcast on Anchor and Spotify under that name. It’s my name for EVERYTHING that has to do with me. God gave it to me, and I’ve held on to it strong ever since. Anyway, tonight I want to go to sleep, but my heart is heavy with the constant torture and killing of Black men, women, and children. I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, my dad prayed for me before we got off the phone, and yet here I am.

I’m taking my last-ditch effort to relieve my anxiety and heartache. EVERYONE should be outraged at the fate of Black Americans. I used to think that slavery was over, and we had come so far. BUT, the more I live, the more I realize that this is a lie I’ve told myself to try and remain hopeful in humanity. Black Americans are not regarded as human beings by many. They would just as much see us all dead, then forgive and spread love. Hell, what do White people have to be so resentful toward Black people? We have gone through HELL and more HELL since the beginning of time. I just want my head to not be filled with so much hurt and pain. While I recognize that not all White people fall under this umbrella, Black Americans are not given the same discretion. I know a lot of charming White people, but the good DOES NOT outweigh the bad nowadays.

I just can’t. I’m scared when my sons leave out, scared when they go to work, scared when they go to school or leisure activities… I simply live in fear for ALL BLACK people at this point to include myself. I don’t know how to change it. The lump in my throat, the sickness in my stomach and mental anguish in my head has me spinning on an axle. I feel like I’m dee diving into an abyss. I pray, which is all I can do right now, and trust God to fix this. So, God, when will all this end? This can’t be our “forever” it just can’t be. I feel so lost and out of sort and hope that if you are not Black or another minority, that when you see injustices take place, you will speak up, be angry, just don’t shut up. Things will never change if we don’t lift our voices and sing til Earth and Heaven ring. I tap out for the night…

Until Next Time,


Published by ShesThatRN

I am an RN working on my DNP, preparing to launch several aspects of my new business and writing and getting ready to publish my first book. I love to write so blogging seemed like a great way to naturally express myself and publish my journey as a nurse.

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