You know what? When I’m writing, I try to leave my readers with something relatively positive. Today, I hope to do the same, but I’m not feeling myself. I want to cry, scream, and holler because I am experiencing all these emotions inside. I can’t, and if I did, I don’t want to disclose where it’s coming from. I really don’t know today, though, quite honestly. I just feel really heavy, uncertain of the future, and like I want to do something else with my life. So far, I’ve written a few sentences, and when I read them back to myself, it sounds like a lot.
Can I tell you something in case you haven’t realized it? It’s okay! It’s okay to feel this way today. I’m speaking to you and me. Every day doesn’t have to be perfect, and it’s okay to have a not-so-good day. I wrestle with many things, and some I speak about, but others I don’t. God knows, though, and He’s the only one that counts to me in my book. Some things aren’t meant to be shared with the world. They’re too personal for our judgemental society, albeit family or friends. If we’re honest, no one tells “EVERYTHING” about themselves to anyone. I’m no different.
The need to cry, scream and holler escapes me and has for several hours since I woke. I’ve been doing and giving myself every reason in the book why I shouldn’t or can’t release in these ways. Sharon, you’re strong, Sharon, you have too much to be grateful for, Sharon, don’t be vulnerable, Sharon there are others worse off than you, and so on and so on and so on. All of which is true in my eyes, but when do I give myself permission to be human? I don’t! Not really because I’ve conditioned myself to react a certain way to life. I have mastered my facade and always “okay” face. I can literally make you believe all is well without missing a beat.
Is that good? Not so much, but getting out of that way of living comes with some work and healing. I am actively working on my life’s healing, and I accept that. There’s no perfect being here on earth, and I think we should allow people to take the necessary space and time to heal themselves. Let me ask you this? How are you feeling today? How has life been treating you? Are you fairing well or so-so in this whole life-altering “pandemic and its aftermath?” What are the ways you cope with maintaining a positive outlook on life and a healthy mental state?
Please feel free to comment below. I am looking forward to reading what you share with other readers and me. Until then, find your safe place/space, ask for help when you need it, and be gentle with yourselves. This is a time of both lack and abundance. So, we need to find a way of dealing with life that results in our being at peace. I wish you peace, blessings, and God’s eternal love.