I Told You My Mental Matters

Yesterday was crazy. Let me preface this with I’ve been helping my oldest son because he’s going through some life changes. The world can be a big bowl of mess sometimes especially for Black men. I’m very cognizant of that and because of this I am careful with what I say and how I show up for the Black men in my life. That being said I am more mindful and thoughtful of how I communicate with my two young men who are trying to navigate life and the world we live in.

Anyways, I have a truck and gave it to my son. We’re trying to find someone who can do the repairs to get it back up and running. So, I’ve been trying to help him get back and forth to work without so much money using Uber and Lyft. Well my youngest was to drop his brother off and come get me. I get off at 7:30am. My oldest decided because he had to be to work at 8am that I could just wait until he got dropped off on time.

Now listen, I’m not who or how I used to be. So when I’m really angry I get extremely quiet and won’t say a word. That’s because I’m praying and asking God to help calm me and give me the words to say and the time to say them. Woosah Jesus 😂 because I was hottttt!

I stood outside the hospital for an hour and a half waiting for my ride. My youngest son sensed my mood and didn’t say a word. He quietly whispered good morning Ma and I spoke back to him. He tried to calm the storm and ask if he could make me breakfast and he did. When I got in bed he said Ma is there anything I can do for you while I’m here and you’re sleeping to help you. I asked him to take care of one thing and he did without question.

When I woke up I have to admit, I was still on fire. I continued talking to God trying to get myself together especially since I had to work again tonight. By this time it was me and the oldest. The ride to work was silent. He always acts upset so he doesn’t have to acknowledge when he is wrong in situations and/or apologize. I simply kept calm and bridled my tongue.

Fast forward I’m at work on the elevator and I feel an overwhelming urge to cry. The tears were already in the ducts but I wouldn’t let them go. Instead I said Lord I need you to help me get it together. I put my gospel music on and tried to relax. I noticed I was snappy with people and looking mean. I stepped into the bathroom to pray again because even I didn’t like who I was in the moment. That light wasn’t shining honey.

I got it together but it took a while and I said ALL of that to say this. Some days will be good and others may be a struggle. Can you catch it early? Have you identified the problem? Do you see yourself in the situation? And what steps are you taking to actually rectify or at least attempt to improve the behaviors? My mental health was a little out of whack for a while but I made conscious efforts to resolve my inner conflict and get to a place of internal peace. I can sit and write this without anger, frustration or bitterness because I finally left yesterday where it was. It was behind me but I held onto it which kept me angry. Instead, I practiced mindfulness and began being present in the moment. Needless to say, things are alright in my world.

P.S. I’m not telling you to ignore the problem. I asked God to help me choose the right time and place to address how the situation made me feel with my son. Then actively listen to him, and find a way to move forward in a healthy manner. Don’t neglect yourself or your feelings. Your mental health and stability is important. Peace and blessings friends.

Until Next Time,