Headspace

Being in the wrong headspace can throw you off. You are trying to be mindful and yet things seem off. You have a lot of things on your mind that distract you from your primary focus. When I think about it, it can cause mistakes that wouldn’t normally take place if you were fully focused.

What I do to refocus is be mindful. I catch the mistake, think about what caused it and refocus my mind. It’s odd because being a nurse and out of sort can cost your patient and yourself. Doing double checks are supposed to protect both patient and nurse from mistakes by catching them. But what if both nurses are hustling and bustling and miss it?

If only we all weren’t in a costly hurry! If only processes were in place that assisted with our daily routines. One thing I’ve done quite a bit of studies on in grad school is “mindfulness.” If we could get everyone’s workplace to implement various times during the day where staff (for me, nurses) could stop, pause, take a few deep breaths and refocus we could probably eliminate a lot more mistakes from occurring. Instead, we have to be mindful of mindful thinking in the midst of everything else we are responsible for doing. So, make your own mindful moments to meditate and refocus and thank me later.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

I’m At Day 11 Not In Heaven, LOL:>

Day 11 has some stuff with it. First of all, I decided when I first started working out that I would not consume large amounts of water while working out. I got so sick like I was going to throw up. So, now I take sips of water few and far between. Well, tonight, I was lazy, so let me tell you what I did. I had this plan all conjured up in my head. I come home, eat a nice size meal, and go to change into my workout clothes. Well, while working out, I started feeling nauseous and felt my GERD beginning to act up. At that moment, I knew I could never eat a full meal and then go workout. I’m not sure if that’s why parents tell their children they have to wait to get in the pool after eating. But what I will say to you is that I will not do that anymore. In my true fashion, I kept going and maintaining my “No Excuses” mantra until I completed the workout.

That was #1 now for #2. I messaged my fitness coach and said: “hey, we need a challenge for the upper body because I really need to work on my arms and stomach more.” Well, today, day 11 was nothing but upper bodywork. Let me tell you my arms are mushy, and at one point, they were shaking while lifting weights. I thought I was going to drop my dumbells one time, lol. So, be careful what you ask for. Or at least be prepared to receive what it is your asking for. Although I really do want to tone my arms, after eating all that food, I just wasn’t ready. All in all, I had a great workout. I’m off to a good start to a week of exercising and becoming fit and healthy. I hope you have a great start as well. If not, it’s not too late to speak over yourself differently and manifest what it is you want for this week. Set your intentions!!!! 1, 2, 3, … GO!

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Easy Days Made Hard

I hate when apparent easy days end up feeling hard. You have this wonderfully consistent day then suddenly it feels like you’re spinning uncontrollably in an abyss. I know one thing for sure, as much as I love what I do, I cannot be a bedside nurse forever. There are so many areas and ways to help and heal. I just have to find my way through the maze. I struggle with the capacity in which I want to contribute in my field. I’m praying for guidance in helping me figure it out. But until then, I’ll keep plugging at it.

Ayyyyy…Day 10 For The Win!

It’s day 10, and I am so glad it’s Friday. I have had a rough couple of nights, but I get my workouts done because it’s a priority for me. There are a million and one excuses for why I could NOT have done them. But I ain’t here for excuses, and I’m learning to apply that to every aspect of my life.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I actually started thinking about Valentine’s Day. I started thinking about how old I am and that no man has ever gifted me or given me flowers or candy or anything for that matter. I began looking at my life as if there was something wrong with me. I started beating myself up, saying, “what’s wrong with me?” I reminisced on how I’ve watched on the sidelines as my female friends, sisters, and family was always getting something or another at various times. But for me, I got nothing. It used to bother me, but then I put it out of my head and felt like I’ve always been able to do for myself, so why not worry about it.

But today, two of my nurse colleagues had these beautiful arrangements of roses delivered to them from their significant other and associate. I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of sadness at the thought that no man had ever thought enough of me to gift me anything. Now when I tell you I was down, I mean I felt depressed and almost teary. I got up and went to the bathroom, said a prayer, and had a little conversation with myself about my beautiful self. I dismissed the negative thoughts I was having and remembered the things I meant to post about the other day. Things like how your thoughts can control, direct, and/or consume you. So, I asked myself, “self, what are you thinking about, and is it going to elevate you or depress you?”

So, I had to let it go. I said one day, the man God has for me will come along and shower me with so much love that it’ll not just make up for what I thought I ‘d been missing but show me that I really hadn’t missed anything at all. I came home, put on my music, and worked out hard. Now, I feel so much better, and I’m about to give myself a great big ole hug and watch me some Netflix and chill. Just me, myself and I. I’m going to give myself some love, and I hope you do the same. Have a fantastic weekend.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Alright Now…It’s Day 9 and I’m Feeling Fine:)

Yesterday was over the top for me, as you know, if you read my posts. Well, my night wasn’t quite right, either. I was awakened more than once, and the smoke detector started going off so loud, around 3am. And it wouldn’t stop going off, so there went my sleep. Every time I laid back down, it sounded off again. It was as old as the house, so it was wired into the electrical system and didn’t have batteries. I was so ticked off and stressed about my sleep, and possibly my neighbors sleep being disturbed. I text my landlord at 3 something because another day/night of that wasn’t going to work. I tried not to focus on yesterday too much or even the smoke detectors. I started my day with prayer, listening to one of my favorite preachers on YouTube and told myself that today would be different. I got rid of the stinking thinking and was very deliberate about what and where I allowed my mind to go.

So, tonight I came home from work and did my workout. Let me tell you how bad my legs hurt. They are on fire and burning hunni, and so is my back and knees. I really appreciate having a regimen that is already planned out for me, and all I have to do is the workout. I don’t have to think about it or figure anything out. All I have to do is do it. Well, it’s done, and I’m feeling my body being tired a little more than usual due to being up so early. But, I have to admit I love that my clothes are too big. I love that my waist has gone down 3.5 inches, and I feel so much better with every workout I do. Now, I can go to bed, knowing that I pushed through once again. And I can look forward to what tomorrow will bring. Have an absolutely fantastic night and…

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Day 8 and It Won’t Be Late

So, I was late with yesterday’s blog post because I fell right asleep after exercising and showering. Tonight, I’ve been blogging quite a bit, and you can check out the previous posts when you get a chance. Tonight, however, my workout was whew chile. We had side planks, which for me was probably halfway side planks, lol. I mean, everything above the knee was off the floor, but my form was definitely NOT what it was supposed to be, I’m sure. And these things called Russian twists, were more like a semi, hold my breath but don’t pass out while reaching sideways twists. LOL!

I mean, I got it ALL done, but it was no easy feat, let me tell you. After all that, I am exhausted and ready to lay my head down on my pillow. I know I’ll be out like a light as soon as my head gets halfway to the cushion. So, I know I started out working out in the mornings, but I found that I could not continue getting up at 4am and driving over an hour away, working 8 hours, then driving back. It was too much on my body. I was already tired and then to have to get up even earlier. No ma’am, no sir, I couldn’t keep up with it. But I get to it as soon as my feet hit the floor. I’ve been deliberate and consistent with it, and I see results. I even feel better too. I hope you are working out and feeling better and healthier. Healthy living is holistic to me. It encompasses many different aspects, but you find what works for you and give it all you’ve got. I wish you all a peaceful evening and a beautiful night full of sleep and rest.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Dear Nephew

Tre,

There are two things in my life that I pride myself on being the best that I can be at. That is a mother and an aunt. Now, grant it, I’m a daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, best friend, godmother, and so much more. But nothing makes me feel my absolute best or worse than being Marcus and Greg’s mom and being your Aunt Sharon along with your sisters and cousins. I thought I had the worse loss when we lost your grandmother, but to lose you a month later was an extreme loss for me. Part of being an adult is knowing that one day you’ll lose your mom and dad at some point probably before you go. But no one imagines losing their child and for me their nephew before them. That still leaves burning in my chest. I have, to be honest, Tre, I try not to think about you and your grandmother being gone. I’m not too fond of nausea, heartburn, and knots that develop in my throat. I try to fight back the tears when it happens, but tonight. Tonight, I lost it and let myself feel it all the way. My waling and crying turned to screams and exaggerated cries that were uncontrollable. I can’t believe you are gone. I can’t believe Amiyah is growing up without you. I can’t fathom your mother and sisters had to experience such enormous pain. It’s all really unimaginable to me still. I mean, I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that you’re gone. But tonight, I screamed out until there was nothing left but a whisper. My neighbors probably thought someone was doing something to me.

If I’m honest, I was so angry with God for allowing you to be taken and in such a horrific way. I often think about what your last thoughts were, or if you even had any at that moment, did you have any pain, or was it instant? I didn’t mean to yell at God tonight, but I did. I told him I don’t understand! I didn’t then, and I still don’t understand it now. People say don’t question God or ask why, but I did tonight. He may never answer me, but I pray that He will give me some comfort eventually. That my heart won’t hurt so bad. That I won’t be so angry about it. That I will actually let go and let God. As for now, I’ll keep talking to Him about it in hopes that my heart will mend. I will NEVER forget you. How can I? you’re my Tre Tre! You and Marcus were more like brothers rather than cousins. This year we did nothing to celebrate your birthdays. Marcus is still having a tough time with it and feels the empty void so profoundly. I try to help him, but I don’t know-how. Especially when I can’t seem to help myself.

You trusted me with “Meaty” who’s thinning out and told me I’m Amiyah Aisha Alton. She will forever be loved and cared for. She will always be reminded of the great daddy she had and how much you loved her. Don’t worry, we are looking after her. I can hear your voice telling me different things when I would ask about taking her places. I still chuckle at that. I miss you so much, baby. You don’t know how much and the boys. Well, they miss their Uncle Tre. I try to get Marcus to step up and fill in the gaps. He’s trying to cope and not doing so well, but I still believe he’ll be there for them and with them. Damn it! My heart hurts, and I’m not comforted knowing you and gran are watching over all of us. I love you, Treston…always and forever, your Aunt Sharon will carry your spirit with her forever and ever. Fly high baby, spread your wings, and give your grandmother a hug for me. Tell her to turn around and give you a hug for me. I love and miss the heck out of both of you.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN (Aunt Sharon)

Hard Time Shaking It

I really hate it when I feel this way. My spirit gets an eerie heaviness to it, and I can’t seem to shake it. My mind is tired, and I get incredibly irritated. I start my day off with prayer and meditation and ask God to create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit in me. I literally talk to myself and explain that I am in control of how I react to whatever happens during my day. I can be doing fine one minute, and the next all hell breaks loose inside me. I don’t always know where it comes from or how it happens, but it happens. Sometimes, I can step away and cry or pray and be alright. Today, however, wasn’t one of those days. Today toward the mid-afternoon, I was overcome with this awkward heavy and ugly spirit. I wasn’t mean or anything, but I felt ugly inside. There was something brewing, and I felt no control over it.

What I’ve come to learn is that spirits move from person to person and place to place. Perhaps it was something in the air or in someone that placed a hold on me. The patients were more irritable in the afternoon, the computers went down, and I felt like I was just over it. I was ready to go home and to contemplate whether I even felt like exercising or not. But that WILL happen! Why? Because it helps me work out some of this stress, tension, or whatever you want to call it. All I know is I want it to be gone. I come home, and my son’s been in my room, and it’s not EXACTLY the way I left it. So, now I’m even more agitated. (I have OCD) and things have to be the way I want them and leave them. I can spot a square of toilet paper out of place. That’s how bad I am about my things. Ever since yesterday, when I sat in that waiting room, and the memory appeared on my phone with me and my mom, I’ve not felt too good. I shed a few tears, but sometimes when I miss her a whole, whole lot, I have to have a, sure enough, good cry. I can feel it coming on because my tear ducks have been filled for a few hours now, and I haven’t let it go. So, once I work out and I’m in the shower, I hope to God that I can just scream, holler, cry, or whatever it takes because I need to let it go.

I MISS MY MOMMY! Don’t judge me. I’m grown as the dickens but never to grown to miss my ace, my heart, my best friend. I think about all the things she’ll miss with me. Like meeting my future husband, helping me pick out my wedding gown, or watching me come down the aisle. What hurts the most are the moments when I would just call her, or if I was there with her, I’d just lay my head in her lap or on her shoulder and ask her to pray for me. And like the prayer warrior she was, she would commence to interceding for me. She never asked what it was for or why. She never needed to know unless I just started telling her. She was only concerned with the fact that her baby (oldest daughter, but still her baby) required her to call out to God on her behalf. I’ll never have that again, and boy, do I miss it. There’s no place like home, they say. Well, part of my home and heart has gone on to be the Lord. It hurts like hell. It hurts like hell! It hurts like hell! I’ll be back after I exercise, but for now, I’m out:(

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Day 7 and I Slept Like I Was In Heaven

Guys after my workout I was knocked out. My knees were on fire and my back was aching. But in true form, I made no excuses and got it done. I slept like a baby and hit the snooze button twice this morning 😂. I try to press my heels and lean into them to take some of the weight off my knees but whewww chile. Well, today is a new day and I’m getting my mind right before getting started. Time to do another day all over again. But thank God for the chance to do it.

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN

Day 6 and I Just Got My Fix

Well, today wasn’t a natural regimen, and I was definitely out of breath. Doing as many reps as you can within a certain amount of seconds seems more complicated than just having a set number to do. Nevertheless, I persevered and got it done. That’s right, it’s day 6, and I got my fix, lol! The only exercise I really struggled with was the inchworm. I know I shared with you all that my knees are bad and pains me a lot. Well, I decided I was going to do mountain climbers because they seemed a lot less stressful on my joints. HUNNI, I was climbing the mountain and thought I was gonna pass out, lol.

I had to do it for 40 seconds, and can I tell you that 40 seconds is a long time for an overweight asthmatic. Laughing my butt off, but I would turn my head away from the timer so I could concentrate on breathing and getting those knees as high as I could. Around 20 seconds, I felt so winded, then around 10 seconds, I thought I was losing oxygen to the brain. I can laugh now because I really thought I was taking the easier route by modifying the workout. Still, chile whew, let me tell you it was not more comfortable. Anyway, I finished, showered, and am now able to share my workout journey with you. I never talk about my eating habits, so let me share that I’ve been doing intermittent fasting for about the last 6-7 months.

I fell off for a while, but not going crazy eating, I would eat when I felt like it. Sometimes, that was late at night, which I try NOT to do at all. So, because I’m so busy at work, I don’t open my window until about 4 or 5 pm, and it’s open 2-3 hours for me to eat what I want. Then the window closes, and I keep drinking water. I’ve never been big on breakfast except on the weekends. On the weekends, I’ll eat breakfast or rather brunch, and then I’m done for the day. The older I get, the less my stomach seems to desire and hold. I get full very quickly, and I don’t force myself to keep eating when I’m full. I’ve done that because something tasted so good and ended up nauseous and ready to vomit. I was always told as a child to eat everything on your plate, which probably contributed to my obesity. Now, even if I have more than I can eat on my plate, I eat what I want and save the rest for the next day. This may or may not work for everyone, but it works for me. Today was really a good day, and I’m grateful to be able to say that because not every day is a good one. Have the rest of a spectacular week, and I’ll talk to you all tomorrow for day 7:)

Until Next Time,

ShesThatRN